Wednesday, April 30, 2008

LSD inventor Albert Hofmann dies at age 102

And they say LSD is bad for your health.

Goodbye and thanks for all the purple microdots.

Friday, April 25, 2008

"I can’t believe it’s Russia!"

New! Improved!

Now that the Russians have embraced market capitalism, it's goodbye to depressive, old concrete tractor factories, and hello to the sparkle and freshness of lively, modern casinos such as this. Look how much fun they’re having. Wow. It’s so hard to recognize them, it’s like they’re a completely different people. What an amazing transformation. Let that be a lesson to you all.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Giraffe giraffe

Sunday, April 20, 2008

America could stop this with a phone call

The Shovrim Shtika organization, founded by ex-soldiers, documents harassment and torture committed by Israeli forces against civilians in Hebron. 

According to America's first tan president, Israel is a "stalwart ally". Maybe I don't fully understand the meaning of the words "stalwart" and "ally".  

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Republic of Silence

“The Republic of Silence may now most rightly be called,
In the fullest and truest sense, a continent.
There once were scholars there, who isolated themselves
In the pursuit of philosophy;

And there did also exist a confederation of kings,
But they were blind and deaf;
Wherefore the ocean at that spot
Has now become impassable and unsearchable…”

This is how it happened: Television commercials took off
Like fighter planes from an aircraft carrier that day,
But they couldn’t stop the silence.
My mind was finally blank.

The republic was moving.
Senators were shifting position,
Populares switching seats with Optimates
Or abandoning the benches altogether.

Governments dissolved and reformed within the space of minutes,
Paralyzing political life and delaying economic reform;
Causing the entire house to turn, pillars trembling, windows cracking,
Making the floor tiles skate and shake like plates in a quake,

Until finally in a single day and night of misfortune
The very foundations of the continent snapped like twigs,
Setting the land mass adrift
In total quiet.

Away, away - past the pillars of Heracles and beyond,
Through Mundus Subterraneus & Terrae Incognitae,
To the silent land which lies icebound beneath the pole-star.
And there I was. My mind was finally blank.

Tired and grimy, smoking a cigarette in the early hours of morning,
Sitting up in the rear of the truck, with my back to the canvas,
Alone with the sunrise, the only man awake out of twelve.
I remember the sound of the truck.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Procrastination is all I want from you -

Procrastination could make me love you too.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

The SHÄDY ÄCRES get-rich-slow scheme

So here's the scoop: Since mid-November, I've been harvesting my own navel fluff. Why? Because it gives me something to do in the morning.

It was originally one of Sara's brilliant christmas gift ideas. She thought it would be funny to send people my navel fluff glued to cardboard angels or gnomes or something in that general spirit.

Well, that's out the window, because check out the meagre results after a total six months of devoted de-linting, morning and night:

The entire fluff harvest comprises about 5 ml, including the occasional belly hair. Also, notice the piece of inexplicable green paper that snuck into my navel somehow. Your guess is as good as mine.

As you can imagine, I'm not going to hand out these exclusive SHÄDY ÄCRES navel fluff samples for free now. They're much to precious for that.

And I know what you're thinking - Is this just another lame metaphor for blogging? Yes, definitely. But don't worry, it's also a real offer. My navel fluff is not an abstract, it's very real. And it can be yours. For a price.

That's right, you heard me. I would be willing to sell my navel fluff to you. Go ahead and make me an offer - but please, no US dollars. The dollar is so weak now it's just not worth it.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Why do they call it "adult entertainment?"

Because it all seems very childish to me. "Adult entertainment" makes it sound like opera or arithmetic or something, instead of a bunch of people getting naked and sniffing each other’s bums. Just an observation.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

And in local news

Guns don't kill people

But Soylent Green is people.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

The eyes are the windows to the sole