Thursday, August 31, 2006

10.000 hits = Party w/ nametags!

My, oh my. SHÄDY ÄCRES reaches a grand total of 10.000 hits on the very day of my sweet 33. What a happy coincidence.

...Or is it?

Hæppy børsday to me

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The insanity some people come up with

I downloaded this fromärck-underground/~02317shädy-äcres-monitor.html. I can't believe they devoted an entire website to monitoring our activities. I mean really.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Season's greetings

Well, well, well. Hell hell hell. One full season of dressing people up in elk leather items has finally come to an end, and my two-day holiday seems like a distant memory already. I'm taking a week off next week. Phew.

Late hæppy børsday

Adolf ze unfreundliche ghost

One of those days

I wish I was somewhere else. Anywhere else.

I just had a really weird experience -

- that I can't tell you about.

Monday, August 28, 2006

The first day of autumn
as seen through my new Leica

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Eat your heart out

Saturday, August 26, 2006

You called?

Donner und Blitzen! I must admit I become a tiny bit enffious wenn I see mein own achieffements fade into history as they are eclipsed by ze industrialized killing of ze U.S. military.

Ich bin greatly impressed by your supreme kontempft für international humanitarian law.

Your massiffe use of zese wonderful weapons of indiscriminate effect, ze beautiful daisy cutters, ze lovely white phosphorous, all ze pretty little landmines, zat charming depleted uranium, ze exquisite thermobarische bomben, oh, and let’s not forget ze divine klusterbomben... Ich could go on all day!

Es ist simply wunderbar. Even ze good old napalm, banned by die verdamten United Nations after zose funny pictures of ze naked Vietnamese girl shocked ze weak masses of ze Western world. You Amerikanische are ze only people still to use zis wunderbar substanze, in obvious kontraffention of international law. You must be so proud!

Well, well... All zis talk of totaler krieg ist making me peckisch. I’m off for a little vegetarian schnack.

Sieg Heil.


Friday, August 25, 2006

Use ze force!

Although you Amerikanischer are clearly a bunch of unterachieffers, Ich muss sagen I like wat you haffe done mitt das place. Es ist beautiful how you get your zocalled Free Press to do your propaganda for you. Ha ha ha!

I like alzo very much zis War on Terror conzept. Ha ha ha! International Terrorism ist as obscure as International Jewry, which giffes you a perfect excuse to trample civil liberties.

As an added bonus, es hat lovely untertones of racism. Und denn you can pretty much invade any country you like looking for it, which ist always nice. You haffe efen convinced ze Italians, I mean ze verdamter Britische, to aid you in zis crazy endeavor.

All you need ist secret konzentration camps where you are free to torture ze untermenschen mit impunity. Ach, you already haffe zose? Wunderbar!

So far so gut. But Achtung! Das trick is not to oferextend your armies trying to get to zose oilfields in ze Kaukasus. I mean ze Middle East, of course. I’m sorry. I get confused.

Sieg Heil!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Sorry just isn't good enough

This morning we received an e-mail from the robotic Blogger spam-detection agency:


Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconven-ience this has caused.

The Blogger Team

We knew they'd come crawling back.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The first day in prison
is always the hardest

Before I board the plane for Stöckfisck I buy a packet of cigarettes for the first time in a year and I start sucking those babies down. Sweet mother of darkness, they still taste great.

The East Country is the same as always. I don’t know why I even bother coming here.

Oh, that’s right, the kid. The firstborn. The rat. This is where he lives, with a blurry creature named Wolfsbill.

There’s also a car crazy step dad and half a sister who likes shoes and breaks sunglasses expertly.

She has her mother’s accusing eyes.

There she is. The ex wife. God she’s ugly.

And what a hideous, dim-witted child she bore me.

It all looks pretty cozy, right? Wrong!

Apparently the kid has become mixed up with a bad crowd.

It’s the ice cream. They’re all hooked on the stuff. They crave it.

So they’ve formed a gang that I think might be affiliated with the Aryan Brotherhood, and they run around terrorizing the neighborhood.

When they finally get busted the system throws the book at them, and the verdict is harsh: 10 years without the possibility of parole.

Well, you little delinquent, you know what they say: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Let’s get a mug shot before we send you off.

And from the side. Fine. Now march, off to break those rocks.

Not so cocky now, are we?

That’s right, line up, you little crooks.

“… That’s the sound of the man, working on the chain ga-a-ang…”

Luckily it’s a modern facility. It’s all very humane. There’s a rehabilitation program and everything.

Yeah, good luck with that. Day two and he’s already a hard case.

Come on, you can at least pretend, you little rat. Show the screws your falsest smile.

So now you’re dressed in the county greens.

Better tighten up your gut, start thinking on your feet.

Make a shank. Keep your back to the wall.

I don’t know what to tell you, kid. It’s no picnic on the inside. Not with a face like yours.

You’ll get plenty of time to think about your mistakes. Trust me.

But one day all this will be over.

Mom will be there to pick you up at the gate.

I, on the other hand, can’t afford to be seen with you. It’s bad for my reputation.

So you have to take care of yourself.

I'm out of here.

Sneak Preview

This is a preview of a coming post entitled The first day in prison is always the hardest.

Monday, August 21, 2006

A word from our sponsors

My name is Samantha.

Friday, August 18, 2006

My day so far

Spam, spam, sausage and spam

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Behold the amazing Blogger spam-prevention robots of tomorrow!

The Four Laws of Robotic Spam-Prevention
1) A robot may not hurt a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3) A robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4) A robot must identify and neutralize irrelevant, repetitive, and/or nonsensical text, without regard to the First, Second or Third Law.

Sara, week 21

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take her --