Sunday, July 04, 2010

This blog is so dead

Here’s why: To begin with this was a joint project, and both Sara and I contributed. But Sara… well, she’s fickle. She was never as committed to the SHÄDY ÄCRES project as I was. After the first year she still posted a picture and a one-liner once in a while, but never with any regularity. Bah!

That of course gave her a certain superstar mystique, while I was more of an Overlook Hotel style caretaker here. Once in a while I would try to talk her into blogging, and she’d say things like: “It’s your blog now”, “I have nothing to write about” and “stop gnawing at my panties, you perv”. So I stopped trying.

So you see, I blame Sara. And of course you people. We never really had any readers, on an average day we got like 4 1/2 hits. Those of you who became regular customers here were classy, though. I’ll give you that. All two of you. Both "Stumpy" and "Bongface".

But I’m really sorry, I just don’t have the time anymore. I have three kids now (how the hell did that happen?), I constantly have to come up with new ways to get my hands on money. What am I going to write about? My job? I can’t, because of ethics and confidentiality issues. My family life? It’s really none of your business. Political stuff? I do that elsewhere now. Showcasing my art? Well, THAT’S not going anywhere so fuck THAT.

I still think some of the stuff I’ve written here is comedy gold. If you go back through our archives you’ll see what I mean, and if you don’t I’ll come to your house and steal all your spoons. But seriously, this was a super funny blog. Like millions of others, and yet different. We had the umlauts. We’ll always have the umlauts.

Listen, this is not moving in the direction I wanted. I was going to write an obituary style piece and then pull the plug here, but get a feeling I’m not ready to close up shop yet. Let’s see what happens. Maybe I get a visit from the magic blog fairy and start spewing genius blog posts out of my ass again, it could happen. Don’t hold your breath, though. You could die of asphyxiation.

See you in the funny papers.