Wednesday, February 25, 2009

On the subject of Hemingway

Hey, I like Adolf Hemingway as much as the next guy. I gotta be honest. I just gotta be honest. I gotta. That’s the kind of guy I am. And if you don’t know that by now, then God help us all, or “God ‘elp us, guv’”, as Harry Potter would say.

“For Whom the Trolls Boil” for example. Come on! That’s a fucking masterpiece. I cried like a little girl in a frilly dress, and I’m not ashamed to say it. Don’t give me that snooty “critical vibe” from the “scene” of the “lamb chops” and “penis gravy” or whatever you kids call it these days.

They gave him an Oscar™ for that one too and he fucking deserved it. If you ask me. In my “not so humble opinion” as they say - wink wink, nudge nudge, nobody expects the Spanish inquisition, it’s an ex-parrot, if everyone could just PLEASE stop quoting Monty Python, thank you.

I tend to find though, that his best works are the ones I steal from other people? Have you noticed that about his “oeuvre”? Have you? That it’s better when you steal it? Preferably from someone’s parents house? After everyone else have collapsed in a drunken stupor? Or maybe you slipped them a big dose of GHB and tied them to an upstairs bed? Anyway.

There’s this part of this one book where he’s all: “Ooooh, you have to find like this one True, Honest Sentence and start from there” or whatever. And I’m all like: OK, cool. This will be JUST like the time I wasted five fucking perfectly good years searching for Satori enlightenment in the foothills of the Himalayas, and then it turned to out to be a total hoax, like the Yeti. Bummer.

And like, who the fuck is he to talk about truth and honesty and perfection? The guy takes a double-barreled shotgun, and he rests the butt of the gun on the floor, and he leans over it and puts the muzzles to his forehead right over the eyes and he pulls BOTH triggers. WHAM! WHAM! Because, nooooo, one barrel wasn’t enough for Mr. Nobel Oscar™ Prize winning bull fighter book writer man.

THAT’S what’s wrong with the world RIGHT there. This constant search for truth and perfection is fucking ruining it for everybody. One barrel to the head should be more than enough for anyone. That’s just one man’s opinion, but that man happens to be me, and I’m almost never wrong. Ask anyone. NOT HER!

So anyway. Hemingway.


Blogger Fucked Up Forlag said...

"For Whom the Trolls Boil" is probably very funny ... It could even be extremely funny, or exTREMEly funny, I'm not sure.

2:13 pm  
Blogger anon said...

... which reminds me: Did you ever return the Italian version of For Whom the Trolls Boil?

10:55 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I don't know WHAT you mean by that. But let's say, for the sake of argument, I had a book in my custody entitled Fiesta (Il sole sorgerà ancora)...

12:47 am  
Blogger anon said...

The soul mourns in Anchorage? No, I meant the Adolf Hemingway novel, not the unofficial Sarah Palin biography

5:21 pm  

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