Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Brainstorming like fucking crazy

Israel elections: Nazi Jews on the go. No surprises there.

Idea for project: Copy literary style of typical skin mag letters section to produce “erotic” short stories that aren’t the least bit erotic: “Last Friday I happened to walk my neighbours’ teenage daughter home from school. She’s a lively, blond girl, well developed for her age, and we’ve always been able to talk freely about everything. This Friday she was wearing her school uniform as always. On the way through the woods we decided to rest for a bit on a bench in a secluded clearing. We sat there for about four minutes while I smoked a cigarette, and then continued home. The End.”

Or: “My wife is very good-looking for her age, and always gets a lot of attention from other men. Last Friday I took her to IKEA to buy a new sofa.” Elaborate description of sofa shopping experience follows. The End.

Possible characters for great Scandinavian novel: Depressed self-harming emo boy named Reuben who fakes own suicide because squeamish. Typical right wing policeman tormented by shame because of secret hijab fetish. Woman who shaves her pedigree cats incessantly and has sordid affair with Polish tenant in basement. Hey! This could be like a dysfunctional family!

OK, so they live in a house, and they’ve started adding balconies and extra bathrooms willy-nilly because of economic upswing. But then BAM! recession hits, and now the old house is sort of engulfed by the new house like a shell. New house has eerie, studio lot feeling. Windows barred by rockwool. No light penetrates to inside of house. It’s like a mineshaft or a bomb shelter in there. Ironically the Polish tenant in the basement has the only functioning window.

Idea for TV game show: Members of opposing political parties provided with automatic rifles and sent into woods to shoot it out once and for all. No quarter, no prisoners. People would want to see this. This could be the cash cow.

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