Saturday, June 28, 2008

Fuck you, Erica

I just read this, and I'm afraid it's the final straw. Now you want access to my Internet browsing habits?! May ravens pluck out your eyes! You idiots have been trying to win me over for terrorism now for close to seven years, and you finally succeeded. I hope you're happy. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Moving HQ this weekend

If you liked this and this you're going to love what's coming next. Once we get the antenna up, that is.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I, 32. Tomorrow.

The good news is that I was asked for id when I bought 9 litres of red wine today.

Empty film roll containers

The black ones, with grey lids. Useful for storing small items, and keeping them dry.

På Saturn

Er nougat-is et i naturen frit forekommende mineral.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Upper jaw

UPPER___...______ central incisors
--lateral incisors---
... ... ...
__-------------___cuspids___ (canines)
.bicuspids
_--premolars---

secon_dary_molars
tert.iary molars

--.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

SHÄDY ÄCRES monkey adoption agency

Another satisfied customer.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Did you mean: usa breast wear in ocean sex?

No? 

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Zombies

|
Zombies never panic 
/            \
Because       Because
/                        \
Zombies don't                Zombies
/                                   \
Go to church                Watch TV all day 
/                                             \
Because                                      Because
/                                                       \
Zombies don't believe in                         Zombies believe in 
/                                                                  \
God                                                          Reportage

Reportage --------> Feeding endless accounts of violent death (reassuring) 
Zombie --------> Continuously placed in role of survivor (immortality)



And whosoever diggeth a pit 

S h a l l    n e v e r    d i e

Særdeles foruroligende

Finder jeg dette."Alle Østerlands frodige, raa Farver; gult som Ægyptens Sand, turkisblaat som Himlen over Evfrat og Tigris; alle Orientens og Indiens ublu Farver blomstrede ud midt i Sneen under Rakkerens skidne kniv."

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Poetry in water insoluble is

A doll's house. @ the table the dolls are seated for tea. The father doll speaks:
"In this house, children, there used to be such an abundance of poetry,
It ran down the wallpaper like resin.
We extracted approx.imately 20% directly out of our own speech,

Using simple, primary recovery methods (such as rhyme.
The pressures of language depleted, we drove another 10% to the surface
By repressurizing the poetic form in strict_metrical_patterns.
And when secondary recovery methods were no longer viable,

We switched to tertiary recovery methods; those methods which,
Though most productive, are also the most hazardous.
By gradually reducing the viscosity of poetry, through the injection of prose,
We were able to extract another 70%. But in the course of this dangerous work

We inadvertently flooded the reservoir, until the structure finally collapsed.
That was yesterday. Today, children, our work is done.
My sweet, sweet, lifelike children, I never thought this day would come:
We are OUT of poetry."2

Friday, June 13, 2008

The U.S. of E.

There has been some confusion about the use of the name "America" for the two land masses west of Europe and Africa. 

As you probably know, the continents known as "North America" and "South America" (and by extension "the United States of America") derive their name from the feminized Latin version of the name Amerigo Vespucci, a Florentine explorer and cartographer.

For reasons whocares, the words "America" and "Americans" have become synonymous with "The U.S.A." and "U.S. citizens". This hardly seems fair to Canada, Mexico and South America.

To avoid any further confusion it has been decided to rename the northern land mass after the man who actually found it, Viking explorer and cutthroat Leif Eriksson.* 

Henceforth, therefore, the northern continent shall be known simply as Erica.

Thank you. 

*)How the native Ericans lost it is another story.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Business idea (potentially huge)

Combine spaghetti and chocolate spread (pref. Nutella or Nugatti) to make delicious food product aimed at children. Brand name: Spagoodie.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Maybe this is a joke

Hydro courtisan.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Citizen journalism at its finest





18:27: Fire in a divers' centre 300 metres from our house. Small explosions from oxygen tanks. 2000 litres of airplane fuel stored in hydroplane harbour close by. Pray for us.

18:45: It's started raining.

18:53: It's stopped raining again.

19:00: There are still sirens. We're being told by police to close our windows, smoke may be toxic. So obviously I've sent Sara out to reconnoitre.

19:09: The fire has leapt to the mountainside about a kilometer away, starting a small brush fire.

19:19: It's started raining for real. Thank Frøya for the Lüleå weather.

20:48: They're still working, but it's under control. The firefighters look tired. Helicopters spraying water on the mountainside. They said on the news that they're bringing in sharpshooters to detonate left over oxygen tanks. It's still raining. We're eating chocolate.

Thank you, Lüleå fire brigade.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Orange clouds?!

So my friend Fredrik recently made a daring escape from the squalid world of advertising, and started a small, independent game development company named Turbo Tape Games. The company is currently producing an RTS computer game called NAVAL WAR: North Atlantic, and Fredrik asked me to do some short notice concept art for it, which I did: 

The files I delivered were grayscale, partly because I'm so slack, but mostly because they hadn't decided on a colour scheme yet. They'd decide on the colours later, Fredrik told me. Fine. No problem. 



What I didn't take into account is the fact that Fredrik is a huge FC Barcelona supporter. 



So I open today's papers to find my beautiful, stylish b/w sketches looking like this: That's what I get for hanging out with colour blind (and tone deaf, I might add!) computer programmers.


Anyway, if you want to invest your hard earned money in a naval warfare RTS game which looks like a mix between the FC Barcelona home shirt aaaaaaand the FC Barcelona away shirt, Fredrik is definitely the man to see. 
 

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Cosmic horror vs. cosmic indifference

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Brave new world

A woman on the Finnmärsker state channel is trying to teach me (the viewer) to play online scrabble. I'm not making this up.  She's got a huge touch screen and everything. 

Monday, June 02, 2008

The Secret Atlas

1: Dedication

To Odo the Magnificent, King of the World;

In light of the innumerable significant discoveries made by our scholars in recent years, the great and wide-ranging triumphs of science and philosophy, the improvements in navigation both on land and at sea, yes, even in the air itself, it may well be thought strange that a very considerable part of Your Majesty's dominion should still have remained unknown; that it should still have been the subject of speculation whether a great portion of the realm is land or water; and that neither its extent nor exact figure should have been positively ascertained.

But the cause has probably been that the heads of the antecedent dynasties have seldom had any other motive for attempting the discovery of new provinces than to pillage and despoil them, that the advantages of plundering provinces which must first be discovered are remote and uncertain, and that ambition has always found objects nearer to the palace on King's Isle.

It is the distinguishing characteristic of Your Majesty to act from more liberal motives; and Your Majesty has, not with a view to the acquisition of treasure, but solely to the increase and diffusion of knowledge, undertaken what has so long been neglected, namely a complete survey of the world entire. Under Your Majesty's auspices, in little more than nine years, discoveries have been made far greater than those of all the navigators in the world collectively from the expeditions of Diccel and Tunnoke to the present time.

To have been appointed to lead the survey, record its findings, and permitted to inscribe this narrative to Your Majesty, is an honour, the sense of which will always be retained with the warmest gratitude, by

Your Majesty's most faithful and most obliged subject and servant,

Beocca Thane, Royal Cosmographer

2: The Atlas

This is a complete map of the land mass we've discovered just east of King's Isle:

Size: It's very, very big.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Red Youth