Saturday, May 31, 2008

LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE AHEAD

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Where the wild things are lanced

The SHÄDY ÄCRES personality test

Immensely popular.

Look at the pictures and deduct the intuitive answer. Please remember to write your answers down on a piece of paper! Compare result with list of correct answers in comment field below. Further instructions to follow.

a) I think I'm going through a __________ phase.

b) Life is so precious. That's why we must __________ _____.

c) I can't go on pretending to be an __________.

d) A mariner would never sink to the level of a __________.

e) Even the majestic bird phoenix needs to _____ _____ _____ sometimes.

f) Freemasonry is to masonry what free wrestling is to __________.

g) A person who prefers baby corn and cherry tomatoes is a __________.

END OF TEST - END OF TEST - END OF TEST - END OF TEST - THE END!

Warning: Do not ingest. This test is loosely based on the esoteric teachings of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Storf. Not affiliated with the Lifestyle Channel. No animals were harmed, but many were eaten.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Total ultimate security

Things are going on behind your back. Like for example:  

Sexy lady
Flexilady
Wax your legsilady


Stuff like that.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

25.000 hits: A special message for our readers

Get a life.

God damn it Alexis, we're drifting apart

Nej/nei

Kender/kjenner du sandheden/sannheten om juice?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lommemannen tar selvkritikk

"Mange av tankene i fengselet går til barna."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Leeeft. Leeeft. Left, right, left



Monday, May 12, 2008

Unidentified round object

Thursday, May 08, 2008

About my mustache

A wise and dashingly handsome man once said: "There are two kinds of people in the world - those who divide mankind into two categories, and those who think that would be a gross oversimplification." 

Well, I'm here to tell you that by my calculations there are precisely four kinds of people in the world: Those who are ignorant of my mustache (e.g. people in Africa, and until a few seconds ago, you), those who like my mustache (e.g. myself), those who dislike my mustache (e.g. almost everyone I meet), and last (and most puzzlingly) those who act like they haven't noticed my mustache but I suspect they secretly want to touch it. 

OK, I admit there may be a few other categories if you really want to stretch the imagination, like: People who can't make up their mind about my mustache either way, people who know of my mustache through hearsay or the wonder of modern telecommunication, but since they haven't actually seen it they have not formed an opinion yet, dead people, people with split personalities, and so on. But let's try to keep it serious here. 

I've had a mustache all my life, or at least for as long as I can remember, and as a consequence I have gained insight into many things. I want to share those insights with you. 

First of all: The tips of a mustache must be of equal length. Otherwise your head will start slanting from the extra weight, and after a while it will snap off and roll down the road causing a traffic accident. Keeping the tips even is very hard work. It's like this: You shave one side of the face, then the other, and it looks fine. You wash off the shaving foam residue (how does that stuff get into your ears??), you apply the red chili peppers and gunpowder soaked in pure alcohol, or regular after shave lotion if you're gay, and you put the bowie knife back in the sheath. A few hours pass. Then, walking past a hallway mirror, you notice that your mustache looks all wrong. One side is much longer than the other. 

God dammit! Back to the bath room. You meticulously measure the growth from the corner of you mouth, and snip off a few hairs. But now the other side looks too long. Snip snip. And a bit on the left again. Snip snip snip. What the fuck. You begin to wonder if maybe it's your mouth that's uneven. After a while you finally get it right, and you go about your business. 

A few hours later you're in town, shopping for gunpowder and chili, and as is your habit, you cast secret glances at your handsome face reflected in shop windows. All of a sudden you realize what the problem is: One of your sideburns is a little longer than the other, and cut at a slightly different angle, which has completely distorted your perception of the mustache! The mustache is clearly uneven. You must rush home and correct the ghastly error asap zulu. 

Once again it's snip snip, snip snip snip, and the mustache looks even, but now the tips are too round. You want pointy tips. Snip snip snip. There. Finally you can go about your business with the rock solid confidence you can only get from an even mustache. Until an hour later when you catch a glimpse of your face reflected in a tea kettle. 

Before you go any further, here's my advice: Accept the fact that your mustache will always look a little uneven, or be prepared to end up looking like Adolf Hitler. The end.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Busy busy busy

I said we're busy! Go away.