Saturday, September 22, 2007

Enlightened absolutism

If you’re wondering why it’s been a little quiet around here, it’s because... What? You don’t really care, you say? Oh. You’re not even a little curious? Oh, I see. So you don’t find my personal affairs endlessly fascinating? Weeeeeeeeell, I find that very hard to believe. So I’ll tell you anyway.

I’m taking the remaining 6 weeks of my paternity leave, which means I’m stuck here at home looking after prisoner number one while Sara goes to work. My friends ask me, doesn’t it bother you that you almost never see your girlfriend? No, not really. It’s actually a relief.

Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but Sara can be a bit much sometimes. The binge drinking, the violence, the constant swearing, fuck this, fuck that. And why does she insist on keeping her automatic weapons under the bed? Frankly I find it irresponsible, especially with a baby in the house.

But, my nosy friends inquire, isn’t it a strain on the old sex life - having a baby around ALL THE TIME? Well, to be honest we didn’t have much of a sex life to begin with. We just find the whole process disgusting.

And if it should get a little boring sometimes, we keep a poster of the periodic system on the wall over our bed. I’ll say to Sara: “82 Plumbum (Pb), we haven’t tried that yet,” and she’ll be all like, “no way, not unless you 37 Rubidium (Rb) me first,” and then I’ll be all like, “Forget it you pervert”.

But, my friends want to know, doesn’t it drive you insane, INSANE, to be cooped up with a small child for days and days? Well, I must say it doesn’t really bother me. It gives me time to plan my campaigns against Austria, correspond with my good friend Voltaire, and modernize the Prussian bureaucracy. I am after all Frederick the Great.


Blogger Sara said...

What a beautiful yellow tongue you have there. Been sampling the old Dysprosium again, hmmm?

4:17 pm  
Blogger suttonhoo said...

six weeks of paternity leave? now *that's* enlightened.

5:02 pm  
Anonymous Martin said...

Social democracy rules. Ask Sara how much she gets.

Also: Note how the periodic table above the bed is in Russian.

Incidentally, this is the second time today someone has told me of automatic weapons under the bed.

4:35 pm  
Anonymous børvis said...

thats such a wonderful picture mikkel, the first one. :)

2:34 pm  
Blogger Antagonous said...

I was going to say the same and that Mikkel had changed somehow. and then I saw the last photo and realized all was well.

periodic table in Russian! now that is just too much

6:12 pm  

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