Sunday, August 05, 2007

My report so far

Approx. 07:00: Baby claws me in the face.

07:15: Junkie in alley.

07:16: Junkie rummaging through trash. Description: Young man, desperate, filthy pants, hoodie and rawhide vest, ballpoint pen scribbles on both hands, loud techno audible from earphones. Go away, junkie.

07:17: Still there. I open the window to ask him if I can help him in any way. He says he’s looking for something, it was there just a minute ago. I tell him to stop going through my garbage. He scuttles off. Is that his bike over there by the wall? Wasn’t there last night.

07:18: Baby claws me in the face, says pa pa brrrrrr brrrrrr. Can’t go back to sleep. Better make some coffee. Hum de dum… What the fuck?!

07:18:15: Junkie armed with screwdriver is climbing over the picket fence to our back porch.

07:18:20: Can’t find the baseball bat. Trip over it every half minute, but can’t find it when I actually need it.

07:18:25: Step onto porch armed with morning breath, ask junkie what he’s up to. Junkie is gruff and dismissive, looks me hard in the eye, screwdriver in his hand. Says he’s just going through to the other side of the alley. He attempts to pass by me, knocking over three potted sunflowers. I stop him, tell him he can’t go through here. Junkie suddenly all pathetic. Says he can’t find his way out of the alley in whiny, pitiful voice. I point him in the right direction. Junkie scuttles off, leaving bike.

07:20: Scouting, making sure he’s gone for good this time.

07:21: On the way to bathroom, trip over the baseball bat. Note to self: Learn kung fu.

4 Comments:

Blogger mrtn said...

It should be noted that you can only squeeze two people onto said porch using vaseline and lots of enthusiasm. What was he thinking? Glad you're okay.

11:18 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Yes *sob* it was very dramatic.

12:17 pm  
Blogger Lasse said...

You should have kicked his ass!

10:32 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Next time I will put out his eyes with a pencil.

11:06 pm  

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