Monday, December 18, 2006

Something is fishy in the city of Lüleå

Anarchy and chaos reign in Scandamanavia. Revolution is in the air. The Copenhagen riots have spread even as far as peaceful Lüleå. This article from Danish newspaper Politiken tells the harrowing tale of vandalism, defacement of public buildings and, dare I say it, terrorism.

The Danish Consulate in Lüleå has been terrorized by fundamentalists with probable links to a dangerous teenage youth centre in Copenhagen.

As Vice Consul Bente Frikorps Dahl explains: "This is terribly annoying. It will have no significant impact. I can’t understand why they want to waste their time by walking all the way up here to spray some paint on our house."

She points to the fact that the Danish Consulate is located a 25 minutes walk from the city centre.

But wait a minute: If we measure the exact distance from the Danish Consulate to, say, the Lüleå train station (as I did late last night when I happened to be passing by), we find it to be exactly 1051m - which translates to roughly a kilometre in layman’s terms. This means the Vice Consul takes 25 minutes to walk a distance that would take any other person approximately 12 minutes. No one in the diplomatic corps could be so hopelessly out of shape! What is she hiding?


Let’s dig a little deeper. The Vice Consul goes on to say that she will make a formal complaint to the Lüleå police first thing after lunch: "There's not much else we can do. Other than paint it over. Which we will, as soon as we can get a hold of the painter."

We ask you: How hard can it be to get a hold of a painter? Something smells fishy here.

When we investigate further, the plot instantly thickens into a veritable Lüleå fish soup. No one witnessed the vandals, and yet according to the Vice Consul they were "definitely from Lüleå."

How can she be so sure? The SHÄDY ÄCRES preliminary investigation points in another and more sinister direction. This crazy gang has obviously been infiltrated by left wing rabble, as you can plainly see by the psychedelic art.

From such fanatics, this type of wild sabotage is exactly what you would expect. This whole thing could easily be a clever ploy to create interest in their warped agenda. In short, they had the motive and the opportunity.

We make no allegations. You be the judge.

17 Comments:

Anonymous ungovernable said...

yay

5:29 pm  
Blogger Susanne said...

Awesome. I didn't know about this organization, I joined right away, I mean, what brilliant idea, and what brilliant web design, it's so welcoming and ... jolly! Plus I bought a whole bunch of T-shirts saying "Dæ ær ække så værst å være dænsk i Bærgen" -- Thank you, Shady!

6:25 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

I just love this crazy, cutting-edge investigative journalism. Mr Bjarne Rieber is totally covering up something. We all know he has an unhealthy attatchment to plants, namely flowers.

6:36 pm  
Anonymous maître said...

Yes, exciting stuff.

11:16 am  
Anonymous maître said...

Oh and I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear I spend yesterday in Paris at a DEMO. Yes exactly. Justice de misère, avocats en colère. Ofcourse, it was one of those crazy traditional leftwing, fascist, vandalist march through the streets of the most beautiful capital in the world.

11:25 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

spent

11:25 am  
Blogger Sara said...

What a perfectly civil thing to do. Parisians have good and long traditions for that stuff.

11:59 am  
Anonymous børvis said...

hey, that map looks like the route that was taken during operation "Slice Tires"

12:09 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Yes, listen to little miss law and order, and then think back to the day she vandalized 170 cars in a drug induced frenzy.

4:19 pm  
Anonymous maître said...

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sure you're simply haluzinating.

9:19 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA HA HA !!! This is so funny!

1:41 pm  
Anonymous børvis said...

that's more a case of a FLASHBACK than a present hallucination

3:09 pm  
Anonymous maître said...

flashback could be more appropriate, but wouldn't that imply that the event actually did take place? or have i simply forgotten the vocabulary ? or have the words changed their meaning? or have i changed the meaning of the words?

8:13 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Will we ever know? Do we really care? Stay tuned for more CRAZY ADVENTURES!!!!

3:52 am  
Anonymous børvis said...

well FLASHBACK indicates a reoccurance of a HALLUCINATION

but a plot set up by the US government to water out true meanings of dangerous words to society, they made FLASHBACK also mean a reoccuring MEMORY

2:15 pm  
Anonymous maître said...

no wonder I keep getting confused.

5:10 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I'm having one right now and it ain't pretty.

11:32 pm  

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