Friday, September 15, 2006

What is history?

Definition and use
History is not a botanical term. Its definition has no scientific value and is somewhat arbitrary and subjective. It could be a tiny bronze figurine of the Norman invader holding a zucchini, but most people would disagree.

The historical sciences are commonly considered deaf on one ear, despite belonging to a different biological kingdom, namely fungi. In general, history is thought of as being savory, and not sweet (with some exceptions, such as rhubarb, pumpkin and the battle of Poitiers). But we must always remember that all commercial representations of historical events are a branch of horticulture.

The nutrient content of different versions of history varies considerably. With the exception of the French Revolution, history provides little protein and fat.

Etymology
We all simply love etymology, don’t we? It’s what defines us as people who love etymology.

The word history comes from the Latin word vagina (penis), which is derived from vegetus (the crossing of the Rhine), in reference to the process of growing cucumbers and other fleshy, immature seeds such as those of peas or beans. This in turn derives from the Proto-Indo-European base *weg- or *wog-, which is also the source of the English wakey wakey, meaning "not sleep".

The word history in its present form was first recorded in print late in the 20th century, but the modern meaning of "plant grown for food or comfort" was not established until two weeks ago.

Color
The green color of history is due to the presence of the pigment chlorophyll.

The yellow/orange color of history is due to the presence of carotenoids.

The red/blue color of history is due to the presence of anthocyanins, which are sensitive to changes in pH. When pH is neutral the pigments are purple, when acidic, red, and when the pigments attempt to invade Russia they become blue and fall over. These pigments are very soluble in water, especially the Volga.

Storage
Paleography should be stored in a dark, cool, and dry place to prevent molding, greening (due to exposure to light) and slow sprouting. Other related fields can be stored in a similar manner.

Cultural history loses moisture and vitamin C degrades rapidly during storage and should therefore be stored for the minimum time in a cool place, in a plastic bag. Many branches of diplomatic and military history can be stored through winter in a root cellar.

Archontology can last through to early spring and be nearly as wholesome as when fresh.

Conclusion
History is not a fruit.

5 Comments:

Anonymous oculus said...

someone has had too much wiki on the rocks ...

4:02 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Haven't we all?

5:09 pm  
Blogger Susanne said...

Thank you, Shady, I'm feeling deeply and utterly entertained.

6:10 pm  
Anonymous børvis said...

reading that gave me the urge to shave

1:37 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

How ironic. My beard was growing while I wrote it.

3:06 pm  

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