Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The first day in prison
is always the hardest

Before I board the plane for Stöckfisck I buy a packet of cigarettes for the first time in a year and I start sucking those babies down. Sweet mother of darkness, they still taste great.

The East Country is the same as always. I don’t know why I even bother coming here.

Oh, that’s right, the kid. The firstborn. The rat. This is where he lives, with a blurry creature named Wolfsbill.

There’s also a car crazy step dad and half a sister who likes shoes and breaks sunglasses expertly.

She has her mother’s accusing eyes.

There she is. The ex wife. God she’s ugly.

And what a hideous, dim-witted child she bore me.

It all looks pretty cozy, right? Wrong!

Apparently the kid has become mixed up with a bad crowd.

It’s the ice cream. They’re all hooked on the stuff. They crave it.

So they’ve formed a gang that I think might be affiliated with the Aryan Brotherhood, and they run around terrorizing the neighborhood.

When they finally get busted the system throws the book at them, and the verdict is harsh: 10 years without the possibility of parole.

Well, you little delinquent, you know what they say: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Let’s get a mug shot before we send you off.

And from the side. Fine. Now march, off to break those rocks.

Not so cocky now, are we?

That’s right, line up, you little crooks.

“… That’s the sound of the man, working on the chain ga-a-ang…”

Luckily it’s a modern facility. It’s all very humane. There’s a rehabilitation program and everything.

Yeah, good luck with that. Day two and he’s already a hard case.

Come on, you can at least pretend, you little rat. Show the screws your falsest smile.

So now you’re dressed in the county greens.

Better tighten up your gut, start thinking on your feet.

Make a shank. Keep your back to the wall.

I don’t know what to tell you, kid. It’s no picnic on the inside. Not with a face like yours.

You’ll get plenty of time to think about your mistakes. Trust me.

But one day all this will be over.

Mom will be there to pick you up at the gate.

I, on the other hand, can’t afford to be seen with you. It’s bad for my reputation.

So you have to take care of yourself.

I'm out of here.


Blogger MGL said...

They grow up so fast.

7:44 pm  
Anonymous adam said...

One of the best things about reading a blog by somebody you don't actually know is the uncertainty as to the true nature of the passive aggressive sniping directed towards ex-partners: is it sincere or are they really on good terms etc. Hours of fun.

8:32 pm  
Blogger Lasse said...

Thank you for smoking! Now that you got us all into the none smoking thing!
(we had to comment immediately -so haven't read the rest yet!)

8:35 pm  
Blogger Lasse said...

What I fun prison angle - I laughed oh so much! I remember my first day at school and so does everybody. It's crazy what happens to you on the inside. ;-)
Thank you very much for this great reportage.

8:48 pm  
Anonymous Lena said...

Well Adam..."Who can't figure out if he's joking ore not when he deskribes me as hiddiusly uggly"....I'm on quite friendly thermes whit sombody that can track you'r IP-addr.

11:05 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

No you're not.

11:19 am  
Anonymous Lena said...

No but there is at least two people in your hosehold who got a brain.( one of them profed by ultrasound)

1:08 pm  
Anonymous Sexy Sadie said...

Sad little story this was.

1:44 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Crime doesn't pay.

2:01 pm  
Blogger Susanne said...

The beautiful sex wins again.

12:14 pm  
Anonymous Grandma said...

Granny is happy to get a glimpse of grandchild’s first day at school eh ... sorry youth delinquent facility, which she would have otherwise missed out on. Isn’t he a wonderful kid?

12:22 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

When I say crime doesn't pay, I mean in the sense that it doesn't earn you a salary that you have to pay taxes off.

1:21 pm  
Anonymous ungovernable said...

bless him. if he's strong enough he'll get trough that hell and come out in 10 all weird, rattled and teenage-like.

10:21 pm  
Anonymous maître said...

it's funny how everybody just grew up and became adults

8:45 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

It freaks me out.

9:18 am  
Blogger Pil&Bue said...

Nice one.

9:22 am  

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