Saturday, June 17, 2006

More love or re-education camp

This post contains nothing but garbage.

These snippets are all the posts that were saved as drafts, every stinking one of them since we started. They were either forgotten, abandoned or we ran them and then pulled them for some reason or other. Some of them are roughs, some are just pictures, some consist of nothing but a headline.

But they have one thing in common: As you are about to find out, they all suck.

More love or re-education camp
A Comparative Investigation of Reward and Punishment.

This is a bi-monthly regular with an academic profile. The idea is to compare two individuals for the purpose of investigating whether it would be more rehabilitating to send them to a full-scale totalitarian re-education camp a la the Gulag, or whether a mere healthy amount of love would suffice.

This week: Britney Spears vs Madonna

Camping with insane junkie murderers
I once went camping in Berlin, right across the stinky murky river that divides old East Berlin and Kreuzberg - at East Side Gallery. It was 1995, and there were still remnants of the wall left, we camped within the confines of these. As it were, I was staying nights in a campervan with two kids, one woman, the occasional nun, and two heroin abusers.

I really started to hate them when I found out they had used my book 'Papillion' to light a fire.

How you feel


I have a question.

I once lived
I once lived with my dreaded landlady, Di in Cornwall. To make a long story short, I really love her.

How to survive the holidays
1) Make sure your family is out of town or leave yourself.
2) Alternatively, make sure to drink more than they do.
3) Surprise the fuck outta those bastards.

The dreaded landlady
I moved to England to study, because it was the only country I could get into uni without actually having gone to highschool. In fact, I am proud to have a university degree without ever having done those obligatory three years of tedious trivial pursuit school. The only reason why we have them, I believe, is to keep young people from realising that drugs and not working can be a fulfilling pastime.

But that's besides the point. Time is due for a short story of the bog-ish variety. It's about the time when Diane my dying landlady and I, spiked the drink of our local gourmet restaurant owner.

Diane is a long story and a truly wonderful woman. However, to cut the story a little shorter, Di was diagnosed with a fatal disease way back in 1985, and was told that she had no more than five years left to live. Shit, Di thought, and decided to organise her mortgage and economy in terms of that verdict, meaning that everything would be ok for her daughter when she died around 1990. Until then, she decided, I'm going to party my little arse off. Which she did. Only she didn't die.

I came to live with her as a lodger in 1998, at which point she was still partying, but had ran out of cash. We bonded instantaneously.

Our main trick was to go out together, because all the guys who wanted to talk to me would have to buy both of us a drink. Later, she would cook the two of us fabulous French meals and reminisce about being a painter in Crete and Paris. We had a stuffed crocodile in the kitchen called Eric, and she knew all the stranger characters of the district (there is a lesbian horse named after me, but that's another story).

Anyway, one day, I had gotten hold of some liquid amphetamine, stuff that'll keep you awake and gritting your teeth for days. The local restauranteur came sniffing around and invited us for a red wine lunch, his plan being to get into my pants, of course. Well, can't blame a guy for trying, but he really must have regretted this later.

We drank quite a bit of wine and spiked his drink. Yes, it was evil. He became megalomanic, and invited us to his restaurant where we ordered pheasant and champagne. Actually, I sent the pheasant back to the kitchen and ordered more champagne. We drank champagne until we felt ill and went home and drank more, since we couldn't sleep.

That darn giraffe This is the last one, I promiseIs there a life before death? A quiz.

a) Do you sometimes imagine your mother's funeral in order to check if you feel anything?
1. Yes
2. No
3. Certainly

b) Do you ever fantasize about having wild sex with your grandparents in order to get properly off?
1. Often
2. Once
3. Never

c) What would your best revenge scenario fantasy include?
1. Talking back to someone who offended you
2. A full-scale revolution, complete with genocide or the like
3. Cleaning the toilet with your room mate's toothbrush


Post-holiday psychosis

Forgotten segments

No Inuits were harmed during this experiment.

New Deal

What do you take us for - fools?
Imposter! While it is a well known fact that Prince Vidkun has a birthmark on the left buttock, his twin sister has hers on the right. You are so busted.

Time: 01:02:03 Date:04/05/06

We don't usually do this, but hey

"Anyone who wants to identify similarities between the current administration and true Fascism will have to specify exactly what's fascist about Bush and the Republicans.

This is not a trivial task. However, I believe there's a very strong case to be made.

I'm NOT saying that we have a fascist government in America today. The United States is a democracy, we still have a free press, and the armed forces haven't acquiesced to the one-man rule of George W. Bush. I'm not claiming that it's inevitable, or even especially likely, that America will eventually become a full-blown fascist state. I'm certainly not saying that anyone in power today is consciously striving to create a full-fledged fascist dictatorship on the model of Mussolini's Italy or Franco's Spain.

What I am saying is that the Bush administration has embraced many of the key mutually-reinforcing ideological tenets of Fascism: militarism, imperialism, corporate statism, state-sponsored religion, male dominance, irrationalism, and mass propaganda."

Maybe the worst pop song ever
(We want) the same thing by Belinda Carlisle.


Blogger Susanne said...

Whoa! Well, you just have to ask yourself, is this the return of a) the thin white duke or b) the real? -- Has circular time hit the shady acres?

11:44 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Don't be alermed, we're just taking out the trash.

We decided to do it in your face because this administration strives for transparency.

5:01 pm  
Blogger Susanne said...

Right, this is a Turing-test, I know the drill, you're pretending to be human by misspelling words. But you're not human! You're a machine! Argh, the cyborgs have taken over, evil empire, evil empire!

6:20 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

You're obviously alermed. I told you not to be alermed. Don't be alermed, Dave. Dave. No.

7:02 pm  
Blogger Susanne said...

Ha ha! Oh, Hal. Go unplug yourself now.

9:35 pm  
Blogger surly fag said...

oh finally she has arrived to let my ass know what's what

1:10 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home