Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Mayday, mayday

"STAFF WRITERS WANTED FOR HAZARDOUS BLÖGZINE. SMALL WAGES, BITTER COLD, LONG MONTHS OF COMPLETE DARKNESS, CONSTANT DAN-GER, SAFE RETURN DOUBT-FUL. HONOR AND RECOGNI-TION IN CASE OF SUCCESS."

Yes, the albino giraffe is a hilarious animal and so is the moose. Hell, even the storf is pretty funny. But the elephant? That’s stretching it. Let’s face it - it’s getting old. We honestly can’t come up with anything new, we’re just treading water here. What we both need is a holiday and a new job.

That's where you monkeys come in. You owe us. Send us some material for Christ’s sake, a lame joke, a bad poem, a dream you had, your holiday snapshots, anything.
(And watch out for the guy who drew this)
Throw us a line.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous maître said...

Well, I can't say this post has been drowned in comments. I don't know what to say. But as I am just taking coffee breakes this morning, I'll try to contribute.

I never remember any of my dreams, you can interpret that in any way you want. I did however come up with a poem in my car on the way to yet another spinning session (yes I have many calories to burn before the summer). Here it goes:

We drove through the night
full of speed and full of spite
We came to a crossing
But we didn't know
Whether to go straight foreward
Or left or right
I can't remember
Witch way we took
But I know it was September
And all the love I had to give
Was lost

Came to think of it that sounds almost like a dream

Have you quit smoking?

10:26 am  
Anonymous adam said...

I'll get to work on it.

10:35 am  
Anonymous maître said...

Obviously somebody needs to check my spelling. If not I'll just be going on and on about witches and stuff, and that was not my intention. I meant WHICH.

10:35 am  
Blogger surly fag said...

i was in a park in a place i was unfamiliar with, although i know i lived nearby. it was daytime but it was dark, thick black clouds, and strong winds. i was in a field near a delapidated shack.

i was out there specifically for the winds. in my dreams, when it is really windy i can run along catching gusts and get airborne. once i've caught a good gust i can stay up for quite a while, sometimes in a bouncing motion like there isn't a lot of gravity. and some gusts are like rollercoasters. i quite often ride wind currents in my dreams.

anyway i was just trying to catch a good gust, because while the dreams are regular they are fairly spaced out so that i have to get back into the swing of it again, and there were a group of vampires across the field. they were kind of threatening me, like they knew i was similar to them so i could join them or they could kill me and they were quite interested in me but also quite ambivalent about whether i would die or not.

i was a little scared of them. but i knew they were lame. like glorified goths. so i buggered off into a field near by. i was slightly anxious that they would follow me but they never did.

i spent hours flying around in the field. it was bored by huge willow trees all growing quite close together. they were gorgeous. it was fun.

the end.

what mean

10:59 am  
Blogger surly fag said...

bordered - not bored. the field was not bored i promise.

11:01 am  
Blogger surly fag said...

Juicy petals..dribbling fish
Desire mounting disappointment
Passion slept away
Fingered anus..alone..darkness
There, flacid nemesis
Raw sausage in my hand
Jimbly Jambly ballos swaying in the breeze of my sigh


years ago i had a livejournal account in which everything i wrote was utter bullshit. it was satirical and all of my friends read it. one day i started pretending my boyfriend of the time had erectile disfunction and i wrote this poem about it. everyone chose to believe that he really did suffer impotency. despite knowing that everything i wrote in my journal was a lie. i found that very interesting.

11:16 am  
Anonymous maître said...

Going back to the office after a hefty sales session at Gap I came up with another one. I think it may have been because of the whole lunch hour thing:

Minute Maid
When I get payed
Sandwich in a bag
For my friend the fag
Bowl of fruit
Champagne in a flute

3:29 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

I love you guys. Mua mua mua.

9:12 pm  

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