Monday, December 05, 2005

Mikkel digs up the dirt on himself

Ever since I did the interview with Sara a while back she’s been talking about doing one with me. Or rather, I have been pestering her about it because, frankly, I think I’m fascinating.

When she finally caved in it wasn’t at all as much fun as I’d imagined. Her first question was: “So, how would your mother describe you, in three words?” I started sweating. She skipped to the next question, which was: “What is your fascination with Adolf Hitler?” We quickly decided to postpone the interview.

By now it has become painfully clear to me that it’s just not going to happen. That’s why I have taken it upon myself to interview me. I took time out of my busy schedule and set up a meeting:

Q: First of all, you have promised to be completely candid with us?

A: (Nods hesitantly)

Q: Mikkel, Mikkel, Mikkel… Is it true that you once shot an Eskimo through the hand with a nail gun?

A: Yes.

Q: Interesting. Interesting. And why did you… Wait a minute. Are those gloves you’re wearing? On your feet?

A: You might say that, yes.

Q: You are such a kooky character.

A: I know. There’s no telling what I’ll get up to next.

Q: Ha ha ha. Let me ask you: What about the urine rumor? True or false?

A: You mean the time I was trying to prove to the monkeys that our water filtering device worked perfectly and it turned out it didn’t? That one’s true.

Q: So what did it taste like?

A: ... Chlorine?

Q: And the drunken saber duel?

A: It wasn't exactly a duel, more like a hateful fencing match. But I must say, I'm all for duelling, at least on principle.

Q: I see. Now, what about the hard drugs? The vodka blackouts? The life of crime? The turbulent love life? The sexual deviancy?

A: Yes, I enjoyed that very much at the time. But I have decided that my cake can run on coke. I mean cake.

Q: Aha. Yes, yes, I see. And the sudden cravings for salt licorice?

A: You promised not to ask about that.

Q: But I only…

A: I don’t know who reads this stuff. Could be anybody. Half the time they sign their comments with lame pen names. Do you know my parents read this? How do you expect me to be honest? I’m not going to talk about that.

Q: But honestly I…

A: Shut up. Shut up! (Punches himself in the nose) Ouch!

Q: You can be such an idiot.

A: I resent that. It's not even a real question.



Anonymous Doodie said...

That salty licorice sure does the trick for me too! And it also gives such a nice colour to things. But for the "annihilate" i strongly recommend a bag of dried plums. Feel free to copy any of my moves. You go tiger!

3:39 pm  
Anonymous the eye said...

Now go to your room! Immediately! We will talk about this later!

4:01 pm  
Anonymous Doodie said...

Who me?? I'm already in my room.. You wanna TALK this this shit out?
Ha! That's a new one. Thanks a ton for the tip! ;)

P.s. Can I come out now? pleeezzze!

4:55 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Goddag, mand. Økseskaft.

2:04 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I have more to say than that, but I think I'll save it for a post.

2:12 am  
Anonymous doodie said...

Ooops I am struck with the feeling I offended someone here.. Did I? If so, that was honestly not my intention. But I can obviously see where it went wrong if I did. Nail me!

Geez words can be confusing...

6:28 am  
Blogger Sara said...

It's all good.

8:32 am  
Blogger Sara said...

Darling, you seem to forget that I have that interview on tape - complete with stuff on both your mother and Adolf Hitler.

9:41 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

It's all good.

6:35 pm  
Anonymous doodie said...

Puh, thanks guys. I enjoy your blog so much, and it would be a sad thing if I should ever provoke anyone in a negative way.

8:00 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Ooh. Flattery. We like that.

11:45 pm  

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