Tuesday, November 01, 2005

How to make a person love you and be forever true

Choose you a secret place deep within the forest.

After midnight on a Wednesday when the moon does not shine, go you to the churchyard and there dig up the body of a girl child recently dead from fever.

Wrap the body in a fox pelt and carry it with you, walking backwards to the place you have chosen, unceasingly singing the 29th psalm, thus summoning a thunder.

Upon the ground, carve you a pentacle with a silver fork and place the girl corpse in it. Light five torches, one at each point of the pentacle, and drink then a mixture of blood and milk to make your spirit ready for the terrible act you are about to commit.

Undress you, and step you thereupon into the pentacle, calling out the name of the one you wish to ensnare. Lift the girl corpse up and hold her in your arms. A naked figure now appears out of the deep of the forest, bearing the countenance of the one you desire.

She will call you by your Christian name, pleading, entreating and beseeching you by all manners of words and gestures to step out of the circle of protection and come with her into the woods. Do not be tricked, but offer her instead the soul of the girl unearthed from the hallowed ground.

Give her the child, and take in return whatever token she offers. Leave not the pentacle, but stay within it until the break of day. Then erase you the pentacle, and leave that place.

Keep the token with you always until the time when you are finished with it. Then throw it into a lake within that same forest, and never enter that forest again.

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10 Comments:

Blogger MGL said...

Why not?

10:54 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Gnats.

1:08 am  
Blogger ddd;a;al said...

i'm confused about what kind of blood i should be drinking. should i drink my own or the diseased clots of the girls? is it acceptable to milk the blood from my tampon or is this deemed impure?
should i bring my neighbours annoying dog along and kill two birds with one stone?

6:39 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

If you eat the blood of the girl you condemn yourself with her.

Menstrual blood is actually considered the purest of blood in the dark arts, but in this case I don't recommend using it. You do not want the moon to notice what you are doing.

Other than that, any type of blood will do, even animal blood.

But then, since it's you, the choice is simple: Blood sausage.

1:00 pm  
Blogger MGL said...

Is it okay if the moon is just behind cloud cover, or do I have to wait for a dark period?

11:25 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

I suggest you all stop mincing around and get with the ritual already. Superstition is bad luck.

12:03 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I can't stress this point enough: You do not, I repeat, not want the moon to see what you're doing.

12:36 am  
Blogger Matthew said...

This seems like an awful lot of work, but forgive my whining...to each their own.

1:12 am  
Blogger Sara said...

The other option is to invite someone out on a date, but that seems so passé.

1:53 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Incidentally, this is our entry number 100. Coincidence?

12:34 am  

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