Saturday, November 05, 2005

A horizontal surface over which business is transacted

I have an announcement to make on behalf of the entire SHÄDY ÄCRES management: We’re going public. That’s right, you too can be a shareholder. Aren’t you thrilled? I think you are.

Now, in order to make that big leap into the world of high finance we’ve had to make an in-depth market analysis. It is very elaborate and thought-provoking indeed. Let me break it down for you in "layman’s terms" as we like to say in international business circles:

The question
Who are you people and what do you want from us? Let’s find out.

Customer demographics
As you all know (since it’s clearly visible) we have a hit counter. It’s one of those free ones intended primarily as a little teaser to make us want to buy the real one. It doesn’t for example show us the IP addresses of our visitors.

It does however show us the referring URL and a few other things, like the browser type, and – more importantly – the browser language.

Customer feedback
Our visitors sometimes leave us comments, which we love because it tells us a lot about who you are and how you feel about giraffes. We’ve had to install a baby Enigma to keep out the spammers, bless their hearts, but we have decided to allow anonymous comments for the time being. This for three reasons mainly:

1) We haven’t been seriously heckled yet,

2) we like to think we can hold our ground if we ever are (right, Adam?), and

3) in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we have chosen to believe in the fundamental decency of the human animal.

This being said, for practical reasons we do like it when you sign some sort of name. Just make one up: Freiherr Gregöriusz von Rösti-Phlagünck, for example.

Focus group studies
We talk about the blog (and you people) all the time. Let’s be honest, it’s the glue in our relationship. That and cake. And actual glue.

The analysis
We get a lot more hits a day now than we did in the beginning. In early October we noticed a marked increase, and now we get maybe fifty-sixty visits a day. Mind-blowing, right? Most of those are of course random hits from the next blog and recently updated functions within Blogger.

But some are not: We have a reader base of at least 20 individuals that check in with us on a regular basis. Some of those we have identified, or they have come forward and made themselves known to us.

First of all, we’re big in Scandinavia. We get between 6 and 12 hits a day from people in Finnmärck. We also get a few hits from Norway, a few from Denmark and one from Sweden. A handful of those are probably my family, who are all geeks. Yes you are.

The others are our few remaining friends, like the Ungovernable Girlfriend, Börvisen and the Converted Catholic, and also people who found us through my brother’s blog, like Gaute and Lin, the Grand Lurker.

Adam was the first non-Scandinavian we identified. He’s Irish and sighs a lot. Then there’s Sausie, the temperamental Latvian. Recently we bumped into B1-66er, who became the first ever to make a guest appearance with that beautiful homage of his. If any of you monkeys want to do the same, feel free to e-mail us.

What else? After my piece about the actor/food critic, we started getting a few hits from Portuguese browsers. There’s a South African browser that pops up now and then. We also have a small but inexplicably devoted audience in Taiwan.

And then there are the people who just google unrelated stuff and end up at SHÄDY ÄCRES. The most poetic examples include:

monthly horoscope
help shady grass
creamy acres
barrio shit
Mikhail Khodorovski
South African browser
pater noster backwards
gender and intelligence
nice teen feet

The conclusion
So again, who are you people and what do you want from us? Hard to say, really. This is all we know for certain:

1) You don’t like giraffes.

2) You are more interested in Sara than in me, and I can’t blame you there.

3) You have a genuine interest in a country that, between you and me… Nah, forget it.

Where the hell does that leave us? We're not sure yet, but we’ll let you know. In the meantime, you know where to find us.

Labels: ,


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn you, we love giraffes! How dare you insinuate otherwise

9:07 am  
Anonymous Freiherr Gregöriusz von Rösti-Phlagünck said...

We do love giraffes!

Also: you guys suck. Booo.

11:46 am  
Blogger Sara said...

Well, darling. THAT sure LURED them out of the woodworks.

1:24 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I rest my case.

5:34 pm  
Anonymous ungovernable said...

i like u, a little.
i found you a nice angaram ^_^
'nem krig karusellen' waddayasay?

5:52 pm  
Anonymous ungovernable said...

hey wait, that's not right.
it should be spelled 'karüsellen'

5:54 pm  
Anonymous ungrowable galfreund said...

anagram goddammit

5:59 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

You R short one letter, but thanks.


7:50 pm  
Anonymous ungrowable pothead said...

dou itashimashite

11:28 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Right back at ya, and oyasumi nasai.

11:40 pm  
Blogger Sara said...


2:00 am  
Anonymous ungovernable said...

karrüsel is with 2 r's! i looked it up in the retskrivningsordbogen.
universal balance is restored!

1:14 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Well, in that case: Uværene samles.

2:16 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

Kuleregn, malerskrin.

2:29 pm  
Anonymous ungovernable said...

i kinda prefer uvæsen larmede
there was something with multiallergiker, but it just aint no fun anymore

7:05 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

I see. The bubblegum has lost its flavor already.

8:29 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home