Sunday, October 09, 2005

J. B. loses the will to be clever

Interior. Courtyard. Day.
Some kind of explosion has caused the great dome to collapse. Debris, dead bodies and broken planks are scattered all around the inner courtyard of what was until recently a Moorish desert fortress. James Bond enters through the large, keyhole-shaped gate, armed with a Mauser rifle and dressed in the uniform of the Spanish Foreign Legion.

Camelopard! Camelopard!

There is no response. He pauses and changes direction.

We’re all clear. You can come out. The covering fire was perfect. We’ve completed the assignment. It’s time to exfiltrate.

Again, there is no response. He stops and sits down.

(To himself)
I have to get out. The choppers are coming.

He gets up and starts searching desperately through the rubble.

Giraffe! Giraffe! Giraffe!

He is about to leave when an almost inaudible sound attracts his attention. He runs to a corner of the room where a large section of wall has come down, and starts digging with his hands. With superhuman effort he lifts a mass of chalked stone to the side to reveal the badly injured body of the giraffe. It is bleeding from several wounds.

Giraffe. Hold on. You’re going to make it. The choppers are coming.


But those things will kill you. Besides, you quit over a year ago. Why give up now?

(Tries to sit up)
Just… Find me a fucking... Cigarette, will you?

Bond goes away to seach the pockets of the dead, and shortly returns with a crumpled, yellow soft-pack.

Look, they even had your brand.

With fumbling fingers he puts a bent cigarette between the giraffe’s lips and lights it.

God, these things… Taste awful.

The giraffe shudders, tenses, dies.

I know. I’ve been trying to tell you.

He quickly jumps to his feet. Without expression he glances once at the body of his dead comrade. He then quickly turns around and starts running for the keyhole-shaped gate, picking up pace as he goes.

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Blogger ddd;a;al said...

oh...i see... you're using the whole giraffe idea. well i should have read on before i made that earlier comment.

i mean, how dare you... how dare you offer me advice only to snatch it up for yourself and flood the market with it.

now i'm going to have to rewrite my entire script to fit in with a wilderbeast. and to be honest, i think it's all going to be a wee bit see-through. how am i supposed to get stephen speilberg with a script that lacks intelligence and substance, featuring an antagonist giraffe thinly disguised as a wilderbeast? i might as well go back to writing soul-searching feminist indie crap.

1:18 pm  
Blogger Mikkel said...

The giraffe is a universal symbol. It belongs to no one. In the Jewish Kabala, the giraffe is known as Yoghurt Sothothurt which means "Fetcher of things hard to get".

The giraffe touches us all. Feel free to play with it. You can summon the essential giraffe spirit using sage, garlic and quartz crystals.

9:53 am  

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