Saturday, October 15, 2005

Advanced Christian Dating

Yes, I realise I should be preparing for my lecture on Tuesday, but I'd much rather tell you about my recent brush with religion. Strangely, these two incidents take place within a very short time of each other, and both on the number 20 bus.

A couple weeks ago, I am sitting next to a really old lady, feeling a bit sulky, when she engages me in conversation:

-I'm 96, you know.
-Well, you look damned good for a 96-year-old.
-Do you know me?
-My body is tired. I can feel it today.

I smile, but only get a piercing look in return.
-I have just been to a prayer meeting. You know, we pray for people.
There is a long pause accompanied by a cold stare before she continues:
-And for ISRAEL of course.
She smiles like she has scored some sort of point.
She ignores me.

This next incident takes place on that same bus, a few days later:

I am wearing my new, toasty retro boots and a woolly jumper because Mikkel, the amateur meteorologist, has stated with absolute certainty that it will be a cold one. That very day the temperature reaches a scorching 23,1 degrees in Lüleå, warmer than the Canary Islands.

I get on the bus steaming, pouring with sweat, and as soon as I find a seat I pull up the arms of my jumper as far as they'll go. I then realise I'm sitting next to an elderly nun, all kitted out in her nun gear.

She squints at my arms and goes:
-Colours... You have painted on yourself.
-Yes I have. Here, let me show you something.
I show her the Jesus tattoo on my left arm, the redeemer looking slightly green in the face, with the caption: TAKE NO PRISONERS.

She laughs.
-It's beautiful. But can you shower with all that paint on your body?
-It's a tattoo. I
t's underneath the skin.
-Oh, but that must have hurt.
-Yes, a bit.

She smiles:
-Well, I guess one has to suffer for beauty.

I ask her where she works, and for the rest of the ride she talks about how depressing life has become at the convent. They're all old women now, and new recruits are not only hard, but impossible to come by.

I diplomatically suggest it has to do with the times we live in. Yes, she agrees, it wasn't like that 50 years ago. She asks me what I do, so I tell her. We wish each other good luck. She gets off the bus.

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Anonymous adam said...

This blog has become as entertaining as the old, pre-happiness pen-to-paper one.
Do you guys live in some bizarro version of that site, whereby if you become unhappy the blog goes down the tubes?
Just a thought.

9:40 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

Yup. We're high on our own LURVE SUPPLY. It's true. It makes us sharper and less depressed. Disgusting, isn't it? Thanks for your sweet compliment.

10:39 pm  
Blogger MGL said...

You have a problem with the whole happiness thing?

12:00 am  
Blogger Mikkel said...

We liked you better under the grinding heel of depression.

12:14 am  
Blogger MGL said...

Well, sorry I disappoint, guys. But I'll choose sex & love over being an entertaining blogger any day of the week, and twice on sunday.

(in fact three times, this Sunday)

But seriously, Adam. The blog didn't change because of the happiness, it was already in the works. Happiness probably just accelerated it.

1:18 am  
Blogger Sara said...

Dear Martin,
You have just receieved a standing ovation for that brilliant piece of information.

Please keep us posted.

3:15 am  
Blogger Scott A. Edwards said...

The fact is that the INTERNET is making people RICH! Shouldn't YOU be one of them? Click here: FIND OUT NOW!

12:47 am  

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