Wednesday, August 03, 2005

If it's not broken - why fix the election?

Indirect democracy – don’t you love it? Democracy has become synonymous with the eternal values of freedom, human rights and market capitalism. Apparently, this is the last and final stage in our political evolution. Why experiment with other social structures? The western democracies are perfect. In fact, no other form of government should be allowed. You have to love it. No, I mean, you have to love it.

It is election time in Finnmärck. Once again, the people willingly participates in its own symbolic, quadrennial abdication. Since the UN for some reason does not send election observers to NATO member states, we at SHÄDY ÄCRES have decided to watch the proceedings closely. For those of you unfamiliar with the intricacies of Finnmärscker politics, this is intended as a general introduction.

Finnmärck is a constitutional monarchy. Although King Vidar Benito XIII is the nominal head of government (kränsekägefigür) the actual power rests with the parliament – the Flöketing. The Flöketing is divided into two chambers, a house of commons (Kämmerpigekämmer) and one that is reserved for special occasions only (Kämmerjünkerkämmer). In Finnmärck, anyone tall enough to mount a Shetland pony can run for office.

The parties represented in the Flöketing are, in no specific order (other than that it’s from left to right):

Red Election Coalition
One very sane and competent gay man and a whole bunch of not quite lesbians.

Socialist Left-wing Party
Mostly power chicks.

Finnmärck Workers’ Party
Arbeit macht Partei, but nothing kills like success.

Center Party
They’ve recently grown a green profile, which only makes them seem more desperate.

Coastal Party
Not a beach party.

Center Left Party
Almost as effective as a blank vote.

Christian Popular Party
It sounds like more fun than it actually is.

The Right
A fat woman surrounded by freemasons. No lubricants.

The Progressive Party
They must serve a purpose, otherwise God would not have created them.

That concludes our presentation. Any questions? I guess not.

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