Sunday, August 14, 2005

End of August horoscope

Finally, we've reached the conlusion of our monthly horoscope. Enjoy your antipathic sexual instincts!

The Pederast: Oct 23 – Nov 21
You are a libertine - a debauchee who has tasted all the pleasures of normal and abnormal sexual intercourse. You have suffered shipwreck in the sphere of morality and potency. The only motive for your infamous acts can be found in a morbid physical craving to create a novel sexual situation and to revel in the shame and confusion of the child victim. Fortunately, you live in a large city, where the markets for your filthy deeds are well stocked.

Lucky career move: Lascivious tutor/governess. Thus engaged, you may proceed to cane and spank the pupils entrusted in your care without provocation.

The Flagellant: Nov 22 – Dec 21
You harbour a secret craving to be flogged at the hands of pretty women. But then, who doesn’t? This month, your dreams will come true. Maybe.

Lucky number: 3476

The Sadistic Lust Murderer: Dec 22 – Jan 19
You are fond of women, but after having enjoyed them, you consider it a sport to strangle them. One night this month, you will be seized by a strange sexual desire for a relative. Irritated by her remonstrance, you will stab her several times in the abdomen. Immediately thereafter, you will hasten to a prostitute in order to cool in her embrace your sexual passion. This not being sufficient, you will murder your own parents and slaughter several oxen in the stable. Later that same day, upon your arrest, the forearm of a child will be found in your pocket, wrapped in an obscene poem. When asked to reveal the whereabouts of the residual remains, you may become embarrassed.

Lucky number: Banana



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