Saturday, August 13, 2005

August horoscope part III

No, you have not been waiting in vain. Here's part III of the August predictions concerning your antipathic sexual instinct.

The Defiler of Statues: Jul 23 – Aug 22
Although it isn’t known to the general public, the defilement of statues has been practised since ancient times, but far be it for me to become anecdotal. Due to your almost abnormally intense libido, you will most probably attempt coitus with any old Venus of Milo you see this month. We do recommend commencing with these activities after dark.

Lucky career move: flight attendant

Virgo: Aug 23 – Sep 22
Avoid 'speaking out' too quickly the 8th, be seen as 'fair and equal' the 9th, take care of a partner's needs first the 10th, avoid emotional discussions the 11th, address things on a 'priority one' the 12th and do them one at a time, take 'great pains' with communications the 13th and use tolerance in ALL of them and use your ESP the 14th for a most successful week in family life.

Lucky number: 5

The Koprolagniac: Sep 23 – Oct 22
Your latent disgusting impulses to suck festering toes may recede this month, and give way to an irresistible urge to be whipped to the knout, walk over a floor well-spiked with sharp nails, and to be bastinadoed and cast to lions in a cage. Otherwise, with your psychopathic father on extended holiday, you will find family life less vile. You should consider being careful, since your improved family situation may lead you to develop a lustful fancy that makes you think that vinctus inter femora mulieris cumbere, coactus, ut dormiat sub ejus podice et ut bibat ejus urinarum.

Lucky number: 9

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