Sunday, August 07, 2005

August Horoscope continued

Here are the next three horoscope entries for August. If you have just joined us here at SHÄDY ÄCRES, please scroll down for previous astrological predictions concerning the antipathic sexual instinct.

The Onanist: Apr 20 – May 20
This month, as with most months of the year, you will frequently and regularly commit offences against common morality. Monday the 15th will be ideal to stay at home and give way to the desire to defile yourself. If your eyesight is failing, we strongly recommend buying a pair of glasses.

Lucky number: 1

The Handkerchief Fetichist: May 21 – Jun 20
You dress with much taste and are of good repute, but your brother’s daughter is an imbecile.
When you meet exciting people, you tend to sneakily steal their handkerchiefs and take great delight in them. Unfortunately, you will experience both headaches and vertigo after yielding to many irresistible impulses this month.

Lucky career move: UN peace-keeping forces

The Exhibitionist: Jun 21 – Jul 22
You are a coarse offender of public decency, in spite of repeated punishment. With schools starting up this month, you should have a positively rocking good time. Remember: if you are prone to epileptic insanity, you may have difficulty remembering any of it.

Lucky number: 4

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3 Comments:

Anonymous adam said...

It's like you've known me all my life! But how can i wait until the 15th? Bah! Stop imposing your harsh Freudian critique on my fragile psyche. I've spent years overcoming these demons!

9:12 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

Dear Adam,
Please forgive my late reply. Firstly, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that my prediction concerning monday the 15th was not to be taken as a restriction on your assult on common decency, but rather, that the 15th looks particularly fortuitous for these activities. Furthermore, I take your insinuations about my so-called freudian critique to be rather hurtful, since we all know that Krafft-Ebing was way cooler than Freud. Nuff said.

4:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

word

8:06 pm  

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